Pirate Maidens...is this serious?

I downloaded a game called Pirate Maidens to begin with...knowing full well it was. For work I need to be well versed in a huge variety of mobile games. And when I come across a game with a name like Pirate Maidens...I just can't not download it.

Now, I'll begin by saying...this just isn't a good game. I didn't expect it to be. The reason I felt like talking about it though, is it did make me laugh my ass off, and it did have some neat aspects.

So, what about it made me laugh?

Pirate Maidens is about collecting scantly clad female pirate cards. Obviously the game is designed around the titillation. So, when I collected the first card and there was an option to click a button and hear the character describe themselves, I cracked up. That's right, when you collect a card, you click a button and (In Japanese) the card tells their story.

I couldn't help but think to myself...some game developer decided that hiring voice actors to say the dialog for each of the cards was going to be the ticket that made this game a winner! I actually called my fiance over laughing to say 'hey, hey, look at this', and she was cracking up.

So, maybe the feature does its job, because I wouldn't even be talking about Pirate Maidens if it wasn't for that feature.

The game doesn't do everything bad

Pirate Maidens actually put a lot of effort into trying to build a story around the game. Of course, any story is weakened when being told by big breasted pirate women. But, I felt it was interesting that in their story mode, they actually decided to have a story, which is something to applaud.

Another feature I thought was interesting was that occasionally a pirate NPC would pop up and you'd battle them. After beating them you had the option to try to convince them to join your crew. You could use an item for 100% chance of winning them over, or you could take the 10% chance you seem to have to get them. Still pretty neat though.

What they should have done

Had they taken an approach of have a pirates vs marines vs merchants type scenario and had male and female pirates/marines/merchants as well as monsters they might actually be a competitor. People love pirate stuff like they love ninja stuff and fantasy stuff.

Now, it's easy to look at a game and say what they could do better, but this is one of those rare instances where I look at something and think...seriously? Somebody pitched...lets have a TCG filled with a bunch of ecchi big breasted pirate woman. Then somebody came in and said...you know what would be awesome? Lets have them talk! And then somebody high up said...THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

And even now, I'm laughing my ass off picturing the meeting where this game got a yes.